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mom life

Last Baby Syndrome

In Mommyhood

In less than one week, 6 days to be exact, our sweet little Ro will be one.  One whole year has passed and I can’t help but be super nostalgic about it.  I remember, with Gav, feeling so excited about him getting older and each new stage.  Not that I’m not excited for Ro’s new stages but I’m almost sad at the passing of the younger ones.

For me, not necessarily God’s plan but in my head, we’re done having kids.  I feel totally complete with my two boys.  I have no desire to “try for a girl”, I’m fairly convinced if we actually did that it would be another boy anyway.  But I don’t feel like I am not fulfilled by not experiencing having one.  Our family feels whole, the boys get along so well, for now that is, and I’m very happy with the dynamic of our little family.  This is also not to say that we would be up in arms and upset if something “happened”, we’re just not planning on anymore and don’t want to try.

So this leaves me knowing that this is my last baby.  The last time I will carry my child everywhere because he can’t walk yet.  He also has zero interest in it and would rather just watch big brother do stuff.  The last time I will cut things into little pieces for mealtime or make airplane noises with a spoon.  Hopefully it’s not the last time I’ll have a kid who will try anything I put in front of him.  I hope that one sticks!

My days are numbered for baby wearing and cuddles.  Soon he won’t be falling asleep on me and sucking his thumb.  He’ll start talking, which will be so wonderful, but along with that comes tantrums and the “terrible twos” and “threenager” phases.  For now I still get to listen to the playful babble, the sweet “mama”s and “dada”s.

With Gav, every stage seemed like it took forever.  Not in the way that he was behind but in the way that I looked forward to each stage and could barely wait for him to do something new.  I swear it took twice as long for him to turn 6 months than it did Roman.  With Ro, everything is seeming to go so much faster.  Except for his teeth.  He didn’t get his first tooth until he was 10 months and then I found myself missing his gummy smile.  I was almost hoping he wouldn’t get them until later than that!  It’s just little silly things like that that start to pull on my heart strings.

To know that I’m done carrying a life inside me is hard to think about sometimes as well.  I was blessed with two wonderful, very easy, pregnancies.  No morning sickness, no complications, etc.  So if we weren’t done, that definitely wouldn’t be a factor in our decision.   I loved being pregnant for the most part.  I got super uncomfortable towards the end but that’s normal.  Feeling the kicks, hiccups, and knowing that your body is growing theirs.  It’s such an incredible experience.

But now I’m moving on to the next stage of my life, just like my boys.  I’ll be a mom of a preschooler and a toddler and I know that life is about to get a lot more rowdy.  I’m ready!

XO, Kelly

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Favorite Apps For Every Day Mom Life

In Mommyhood

It’s no surprise to anyone these days that our phones/apps play a huge role in our every day life.  We take pictures, we have all of our social media on there to keep up with, email, etc.  So it makes sense to get as much as we can out of it.  I wanted to share some of my favorite apps that I’ve been using lately that help and entertain me through the day!

Wunderlist – For Productivity

I found this app not too long ago and have loved using it!  It’s really helped out with planning Ro’s first birthday and keeping up with all there is to do with that.  Plus, who doesn’t love checking things off their to-do list?!  I think my favorite part of the app is the little sound it makes when you check off an item.  “DING!” So satisfying!

This App has also helped me because I always have my phone but I don’t always remember to bring along a list I may have written at home.  I can’t tell you how many grocery lists I’ve left at home while rushing out the door.

Fooducate – For Healthy Living

This app is awesome.  My dad introduced me to this one.  Not only do I trust him because he’s my dad, he’s also a personal trainer, he knows his stuff.

There are two features on here that I use constantly.  The food finder and the health tracker.  Food finder helps you while you’re shopping to find the best possible choices.  You scan the product and it gets a grade.  We try very hard to stay within the A/B range.  You’d be surprised what some of you favorite products get!

The health tracker is great if you’re trying to lose weight or just trying to be more conscious of what’s going into your body.  You can add your own foods, keep track of your water intake (something still very hard for me), and add in your workouts.  They have a huge variety of activities that burn calories including some very realistic options for stay at home mamas or daddies.

Timehop – For Memories

Warning: this app has the capability to cause nostalgia induced tears

If you aren’t already using it and you use Instagram as much as Facebook, you need the app!  I love this app for the shear fact that there are many moments that I have forgotten.  Especially since Gav is closer to five than four.  There are pictures from when we still counted his age in months!  It’s fun to compare how he looks with Ro and there are videos that melt my heart.  One that popped up months ago was a funny video of something Gav used to do as a toddler.  We would tell him that we had to go to the bathroom and he would run and flush the toilet and yell “Pee Peeeeeeeeee!”.  I must have rematched that video a hundred times!  (Dear teenage Gavin, sorry but I will be telling that story to your girlfriends.)

Also, as much as it pains me to think that my baby is going to be a year old, Ro will soon be in the Timehop feed with his brother!

Pinterest
– For Bordom Busting

I love having this one on my phone specifically for carline.  If I’m not reading a book or I’m only five minutes early, I pop on Pinterest.  I’m always looking for new ideas, home projects, or like right now, planning a party!

What are some of your favorite apps for your every day life?

XO, Kelly
PS: All of these are free apps!

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Screen Free Week Review

In Mommyhood

We made it through screen free week and everyone is still alive!  Hard to believe right?  (I kid…but seriously this wasn’t easy.)  But it was a great way for me to spend extra quality time with my kids and enjoy them being this little.  It ended up being a much busier week than I had anticipated but we definitely fit in some fun activities.  Here’s a break down of how the week went:

Monday

As expected, the first thing Gav did when he woke up was ask to watch TV which is exactly why I decided to do this challenge!  The answer was, of course, no but we sat and read some of his chapter book.  And by some I mean just about 50 pages worth.  He was really into it and it was awesome!  Then we were off to the dentist.  No big deal right? As soon as we walk in, Zootopia is playing on the TV in the waiting room as well as all the screens above the chairs where they clean teeth.  *facepalm*  Gav’s eyes got pretty wide as he looked at me.  I told him that this was ok, not everyone is doing screen free week, just us, so it’s ok if it happens to be on somewhere that not our house.  He liked that rule!

We didn’t really do much in the way of creativity and I had to work a little that night. All in all, day one went pretty well.

Tuesday

The same can be said for day two as well since we were out of the house most of the day.  But one thing that was very difficult was entertaining Gav and Ro while I tried to workout.  My father is a personal trainer and trains me two days a week.  It’s been great having my mom home over the summer, she’s a school teacher, because she takes the boys down in the playroom they have for them and it’s nice and quiet and easy.  Plus, that’s usually the only time Gav has extended iPad time so he’s preoccupied.  This Tuesday, however, my mom had a doctor’s appointment and the iPad was not an option.  So I basically shot myself in the foot on that one!  But we got through it, my dad had prepared a simple, compact workout for that reason.

Then we went to visit my new niece!  Sweet Mason was born just before we went out of town so I didn’t get to see her.  Then both boys and I had some crud going on so we couldn’t go see her for even longer!  But finally we were able to go meet the sweet little peanut.

Luckily, we had a good amount of time between getting home and work so during rest time, which we also started this week to prep him for pre-K, I made his new “SAND” BOX.  He loves playing in it and, I’m not gonna lie, I do too!

Wednesday

FINALLY!  We had a day where we didn’t have anything going on.  We headed to the store to pick out plants for Gav’s garden.  After careful consideration, we brought home a couple of cacti, a succulent and some pretty flowers that happened to be on clearance.

We planned them in Gav’s very own pots and have been taking care of them.  We then spent the rest of the day painting, resting, and playing.

Thursday

Thursday was a fun day because I decided we would have a mini half birthday celebration for Gav.  Normally, we would just say, “Hey!  It’s your half birthday! Yay!” and then get on with the day.  But since we were smack in the middle of screen free week, I thought this would be something fun to do.  Together we baked a cake and Gav even cracked two of the eggs! (no shells!)  We also made ziploc bag ice cream which was delicious, if I do say so myself.

The half cake was pretty darn good too and, no worries, I won’t be going into cake decorating as a new career any time soon!  Although, in my defense, it took too long to bake and I didn’t quite have time to let it cool.

Friday

Thankfully my mom didn’t have a doctors appointment on this day and she was able to entertain Gav down in the playroom while I worked out.  Then it was time to swim!  We haven’t really been able to swim all that much this summer since Gav has been pretty busy between day camps, tae kwon do, and soccer so we had a lot of fun!

And then, that was it.  Gav woke up on Saturday morning and asked if it was still screen free week.  When he found out that it wasn’t, he smiled really big and went straight for Netflix while he drank his morning milk.  I can’t say I blame him, I know how hard it was for him to not have TV at all.  And he didn’t even have it while the grandparents watched him which was awesome!  Over all, it was a great way to challenge both Gav and myself and I’m glad we did it!

Have you tried a screen free week/day?  How did you like it, or not?
XO, Kelly

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3 Things You Need to Get Over When You Become A Parent

In Mommyhood

It pretty much goes without saying that life changes when you have kids.  It most definitely and overwhelmingly changes for the better but there are things within that change that are, I’ll say it, not so great too.  And it changes with each child you have too.  Of course it does!  Life is totally different now that I have two then when it was just one.  Everything takes a little more time, there are more little people that need my attention, I’m constantly moving, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.  These are things you can easily roll with and they’re not that difficult to deal with.  But I’ve found that there are three things that are so drastically different once you have little ones that you just have to get over them.  There’s no changing these facts, they’re inevitable, and there’s no way to get around them.

POOP
Once you become a parent, the “ish” can figuratively, and LITERALLY, hit the fan.  In our case, with Gav, the “ish” literally hit the curtains.  Your life becomes more about poop than you ever knew it could.  You are analyzing it, talking about it, checking for changes, checking its consistency, etc.  You’re buying diapers to catch it, getting special trash cans to dispose of it or, if you’re cloth diapering, you’re washing it. Even if you’re not cloth diapering, there are these things called blow outs.   You’ll be washing poop out of something/everything in no time.  You even worry about poop.  You worry if they’re pooping of much, pooping too little, if they’re constipated, and so on.  And last but not certainly not least, you’ll be wiping poo for a loooooong time.  Even when you get to that wonderful point that is potty trained (cue singing angels!), you’re still on tush duty.  And then if you decide to have more than one child, well, the cycle continues.  The book Everybody Poops becomes your reality but with the added reality that you’re the one cleaning it all.   You are the unpublished and unpopular sequel, Everybody Poops 2: Mommy and Daddy Clean It All Up!

MESSES
They are, and will continue to be, everywhere.  Kids don’t really get bothered by the mess either.   From the car, to kitchen, to the bathroom, to the diaper bag.  If it has space, that is space to fill with a mess.  That includes the children themselves.  Now this is not to say that you should just throw your hands in the air and let it go.  This is just saying that for the next 18+ years, you will be cleaning.  ALL. THE. TIME.  It’s inevitable and enjoyable all at the same time.  Sometimes, watching your child make a mess is fun.  They’re exploring.  But in the back of your mind, you know that it will be your duty to clean it up.  That’s mainly for young children though.  I know that once my boys are older, the messes they make will be less about exploring and little more about destroying and then I can hand them a broom or a wet towel and say, “Have fun!” Technically I can do that now, but I still have to go back behind Gav and get what he missed, he’s only 4.

But in the kitchen there are food messes and dried Play Doh, in the diaper bag there are crumpled receipts, crumbs, and countless straw and food wrappers, in the car there is spilled cereal and forgotten sippy cups.  Just grab a big ole’ bag and chuck it in there (Yes, even the sippy cups.  Those things get nasty!) with a smile because some day your car will be empty because they will be driving their own.

YOURSELF
This is probably the hardest one of all.  It’s no longer just you or you and your SO.  There’s a little being that needs you and depends on you.  Someone who needs to be watched every waking second and, for most of those first 18 years, can’t do certain things for themselves.  This is not saying that you should just forget yourself and everything should be about the baby/kids, but I am saying that you have to get over it.  Get over not getting to leave the house whenever you please or at least as fast as you used to, get over not being able to hang out with friends as much.  You’ll definitely have times where you can get out and those times will mean so much more to you.  Get over not sleeping (no seriously, if you take anything away from this, let it be that!).  Get over relaxing each night and winding down from a hard day.  That just becomes passing out in relief that you can blink without fear of someone hurting themselves.

But in all of this, it is truly and unbelievably worth it.  You become MORE than yourself.  These little things will test every particle of your being but fill them all with an incredible love you’ve never known.  So, take a deep breath (if you’re dealing with poop, breathe through the mouth) and just know that one day you won’t have to take care of any tush but your own and maybe one day you can hire a cleaning service.
XO, Kelly

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Something I didn’t see coming for awhile…

In Mommyhood

Last week, I brought my boys with me to work.  I’m not really sure why I thought it was a good idea but I really just wanted to give my parents a break from watching them two nights a week.  It was picture week and I thought it was going to be fairly easy, but long story short, it wasn’t.  For the first hour or so, it was pretty chaotic trying to figure this that and the other out.  Gav was playing in an empty studio, no big deal.  Ro was strapped to me in the Tula, also, no big deal.  Well, there was so much back and forth that I had to call my mom for help.  She said she’d be on standby if I needed her and thank goodness she did!

After they had been gone for another hour or so, I got a text from my mom saying that Gav had told her that two boys, he described them as a boy in a red shirt and a boy with longer hair, had told him they were going to kill him and steal his stuff.  As I read those words, I was mortified.  I felt my body get hot and anxiety started to rush through me.  Then the next words crushed me.  “He’s scared.”

My sweet boy had been bullied.  He had been threatened.  He’s only four, how is this happening now?  Why was I not there?  The thought of him being scared and me not being there to comfort him broke my heart.

Based on his description, I knew exactly who these boys were.  They are at least 3-4 years older than Gav and, of course, bigger than him.  Cue mama bear!  I could feel it coming on like watching Bruce Banner turning into the Hulk.  If this were a Marvel movie, this would be the close up of my arms getting all hairy, my claws and teeth coming out, and then that awesome close up of my eyes as they flash with natural instinct.  (Yeah…a bit dramatic but it’s how I felt.)

One of the young boys had already left by this time but the other was still there and so was his mother.  I knew where she was and I headed back to inform her of what had happened so that it could be dealt with.  But this is where the mama bear in me clashes with the “flee far away from conflict” side of me.  I don’t like confrontation or conflict.  I avoid it at all costs, in every aspect of my life.  I also can’t be around others in a confrontation, even if it doesn’t involve me.  A lot of it may have to do with my perfectionist personality, or my incessant need to people please, but whatever the reason, confrontation causes me serious anxiety.  So as I walked to the back where the other mother was helping someone else’s child, I was waging an internal war with myself.  As the anxiety began to rise at the thought of telling other mother that their child had done something wrong, something that had hurt and scared my child, mama bear was telling that little voice to buck up because my son is way more important than my little insecurities.  As I was breathing faster and trying to push the fear out of my gut, I was telling my self that I must protect my baby.  As I was rounding the corner, mama bear was in a slight lead and I walked up to mama number 2.

I quietly (ok let’s be honest, it was probably pretty timid.) asked the mom if I could speak to her for a moment.  She looked surprised and, I assume she judged the tone of my voice, concerned.  She could tell that this wasn’t going to be a pleasant moment of conversation.  I explained to her the situation, how my son described the boys, and added to it that I didn’t know if it was true but that I felt she should know.

Now let’s pause for a sec here and discuss that.  I know my son didn’t make it up.  HE’S FOUR!  He watches PBS kids and Paw Patrol.  Occasionally he’ll watch the Ninja Turtles (the cartoons, not the “live action” ones) but that’s not where he would get that kind language.  If anything, it would cause him to kick or fight, which he doesn’t do.  He also doesn’t play video games.  But I added that it for good measure and maybe a little out of fear of back lash.  Please forgive me…

She looked at me with stunned eyes, said ok, and asked her daughter to go get her son.  I assumed she was going to talk to him about it.  So I went back up to the front desk, feeling the anxiety wave crash over me, and sat down.  Now it was a waiting game, to see who the mom handled it, how the kid handled it, if he would own up to it.  As with any confrontation, after it’s over, I stew in it.  I began to breathe heavy breathes and felt like I was going to throw up.  Sadly, I never spoke to that mother again that night.  She left without saying a word.

Eventually my mom was able to bring the boys back and we ate some dinner, I finished up pictures with my kids and we headed home.  While driving, I told Gav how proud of him I was that he knew to tell a grown up.  He said thank you and told me that he was proud of himself too.  As well he should be!  I asked him what he did when they told him those things and he said that he asked them to please stop and, when they didn’t stop, he walked away.  I was so amazed by how he handled himself.  I asked him if he knew who was with him when he was scared.  Without missing a beat, he said “God!”  That’s right buddy.

Then we began to have a talk about bullies.  Sitting on the couch, I told him that those boys were bullies, a word he told me he knew from TMNT.  (See!  He knows those guys are bad!)  We talked about how what they said was wrong and that you should never say those words to someone and he, of course, agreed.  This was obviously becoming a teachable moment now that he wasn’t scared anymore and I asked him what he thought he should do if he ever saw someone else being bullied.

“Run the other way!” (I had to hide a little giggle because it just struck me funny.)  I suggested that maybe he should help that person.  Here’s his response:

“Yeah, because two is better than one.”

Surprised by his answer, I told him that he was right.  “I learned that in church.” He said.  Instead of guilt and sadness for my child, I began to fill up with such pride.  But it didn’t stop there.  He started telling me more about his exchange with the two boys and how they told him that he was little.

“But you know what I told them?” He asked me.
“What sweetie?”
“I might be little, but I’m stronger than you.”
“You said that?”
“Uh huh.”

He’s four.  FOUR!  The pride that had been slowly rising may as well have trust out of the top of my head like a cartoon character.  This “little” boy had courage to stand up for himself, to not give those boys the upper hand, and knew to tell a grown up.

I had no idea I would be dealing with this type of situation so soon in my mom career.  To most moms, I’m still a rookie!  I didn’t know that I would have to prepare him for this type of behavior at this point in his life.  Maybe a kid not wanting to play with him or sticking their tongue out but not this.  Not bullying and threats.  But I forgot that he could be around bigger kids.  Kids who, nowadays, see too much and hear too much.  These kids use words without thinking, they repeat things they hear without know what they mean or the impact they can have.  Words that can frighten and, these days, can’t be taken lightly.  But the way that my son handled the situation is beyond what I could have ever imagined.  More than I could have imagined for kid, let alone a four year old.  I have never been more proud of my son.

And don’t you worry, I’ll be talking to the other mama just as soon as I can.  Confrontation or not!
XO, Kelly

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Little Mommy Luxuries

In Uncategorized

Motherhood is nothing short of amazing.  Every day I take care of these two little boys that I helped create, that my body grew, and taught me that I could love harder and fiercer than I ever thought possible.  But this is not to say that I don’t get tired.  That, at the end of the day, I’m ready for them to go to bed so that I can tumble into my own bed and relax.  I love every minute with my boys, this time is so short.  But here are a few things that, when I get the opportunity, I feel rejuvenated, recharged, and just like myself again!

  • Getting ready by yourself
  • Getting out of the car by yourself
  • Really just doing anything by yourself
  • Solo shopping trips, even to the grocery store
  • Let’s be honest, even errands can be fun if we can do them without buckling and unbuckling 5 hundred times.
  • Adult conversations
  • Quiet time (aka Silence)
  • Going to the bathroom uninterrupted
  • Reading anything that doesn’t rhyme
  • Listening to what you want to in the car
  • Turning the radio up (this usually happens on those solo shopping trips)
  • Watching anything on TV that doesn’t involve a cartoon character (Don’t get me wrong, I love me some Curious George and Nature Cat, but one can only do so much!)
  • Nap time!
  • Eating a full meal uninterrupted
  • Eating your dessert after the kids are in bed
  • The brief 10 seconds when the laundry is done, there aren’t any dishes in the sink, and everyone has been fed
  • Date nights
  • If you happen to wake up before your kiddos (yes, this actually happened for awhile before Ro started teething!)
  • When your kids get old enough to play for awhile (This usually maxs out at 20 minutes) by themselves
  • Staying up late…
  • …or going to bed early 
  • A whole day without having to change your clothes or theirs
  • Eating the “not good for your teeth” candy on any given holiday
Of course, at the end of the day, my heart is so full because of the crazy little things that God has placed in my care.  There is no other title I would rather have than “Mommy”.  But even if you are the most super mommiest of them all, even you need a break.  We all need to feel like we are our own person again.  But I’m not gonna lie, coming back to my boys after some much needed mommy time, is just as sweet!
What would you add to the list?
XO, Kelly
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The Bond of Brothers

In Mommyhood

Sometimes I just sit back and watch as my boys interact and it simply amazes me.  The love that those two have for each other, that they don’t even realize is there, is sometimes overwhelming to me.  But in a good way.  I see the awe in Ro’s face as he takes in his big brother.  He knows that this is an older kid, babies have that sense in them, but he also knows that this is someone special.  I also see the protectiveness in Gav when he’s around his baby brother.  When the girls in his class flock to the baby carrier when I visit his school, Gav is right there beside it saying, “This is my baby brother.”  He takes ownership, he’s proud.

The older Ro gets, the more I see their bond evolving into something amazing.  This isn’t something I have ever experienced myself.  I don’t have any sisters and my brother is 9 years older than me.  While I definitely got to experience what it was like to have and be a sibling, we are so different in not only gender but age.  I’m watching these two incredible little boys make one another laugh.  I’m watching Gav show concern and caring when Ro cries.  I’m watching the look in Ro’s eyes as he sees his brother playing or talking.  The smiles these boys can get out of one another is heart melting.

I’m so beyond thrilled that God has given me not only the blessing of being their mother, but the blessing of witnessing this relationship.  Don’t get me wrong, I know there will come a time when Ro is “annoying” or Gav is “being mean”.  I’m fully prepared to breakup wrestling matches that get a little too real and tend to wounds inflicted in revenge.  It’s only natural.  I’ve heard some of my hubby’s stories between him and his sister, so I can only imagine what lies ahead with two boys! But I know that the good will far outweigh any of the trips to urgent care and ER struggles.

As any mother will admit, I want my babies to stay little forever but I also look forward to watching this bond of theirs blossom.  I look forward to little things like how Ro will say “Gavin” when he starts talking or late nights when I can hear them talking to one another when they know they should be asleep.  Knowing that they will go to each other for advice and one day, very far in the future, listening to a best man speech or two.  Every day watching these boys of mine grow together is such an incredible gift and I am so blessed to call them “my boys”!

XO, Kelly

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I Like Being “The Pinterest Mom”

In Mommyhood

It may not come as a surprise but I LOVE Pinterest.  Everything about it from the inspiration to the recipes, even to the gorgeous wedding pics and boards.  I may be married but that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate all of the pretty inspiration photos!  But in my mommy world, the kind of parties I’m looking to plan are of the kiddo variety.

There are probably double the number of pins as there are children in the world for every type of party you can imagine.  And you can best believe I already had a full board of pins for Gav’s first birthday before he turned 6 months old.  (Ok…ok…Roman too!)  I can’t help myself and I’m not even doing it for the “wow” factor of party guests.  It’s for me!  I absolutely love all of the themed food, games, and favors.  As a crafter since birth and perpetual DIYer, it’s fun for me!

But this year, for Gav’s 4th birthday, well…I didn’t.  I had a really hard time with it at first.  There was just no way I could have as many kids as we were inviting in my house.  If Gav had a summer birthday, maybe, but with a January birthday, outdoor activities aren’t an option.  So we booked a party at a jumpy place and I began the mourning process of my Pinterest board.  But then the more I started to think about how I wouldn’t have any clean up, no worries about where to put the cat, no millions of cars on my lawn, and minimal expenses, the better this party was sounding.

Then, after looking at my board, I realized that there were a few elements that I could still do, like pizza box favors and TMNT balloons.   I was going to get to do some of my favorite parts and not have to worry about the rest which, even before I had two kids, can get stressful.  Don’t get me wrong, the stress is beyond worth it, but this time around, I was willing to let the board go.  Plus, I still have a few years of Pinterest parties left with Ro!

I was feeling so relieved as we pulled in to the parking lot with only balloons in my backseat but the best part was once we were inside, Gav looked around the play area and, jumping up and down, he said, “I’m so excited!  It’s my party!”  That right there was the most perfect moment.  To make it even better, my aunt over heard my sweet boy with two of his friends saying, “Isn’t this amazing?!”

Sadly, I left my DSLR at home in the rush to get out the door, but thank goodness for cellphones!

My mom and my aunt even bought matching TMNT shirts!  

XO, Kelly

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A Letter to my Second Child

In Mommyhood

Dear Ro,

Oh my sweet baby boy.  I never really knew that I could love another little person, let alone another little boy, as much as I did when your big brother was an only child.  I remember specifically one night, not being able to sleep because I didn’t know what it was going to be like.  I had heard that your love just multiplies but I couldn’t fathom it.  I knew that I loved you, my child, my blessing from the Lord.  But how on earth was I going to love two of you the same.  And that’s just it, I don’t love you the same.  I love you both fiercely and with all my heart, but differently.  I suppose you can say that my love multiplied but I feel like I grew a second heart just for you.  That God gave me an extra heart so that I could have one for each of you.

With all this being said, I apologize.  Why?  Because sometimes things fall to the wayside.  I try to take as many pictures of you as I can, and believe me, I probably take too many.  But things like your first Thanksgiving and your first Christmas are barely documented.  I may have roughly five million of each of your brother’s firsts and just two of yours (I kind of want to cry thinking about that…) but please know that that does not mean I love you any less.

Sometimes I feel like I probably don’t hold you as much as I did your brother.  A lot of times it’s because I’m busy doing mommy/wife things like laundry, writing, or trying desperately to get all three of us ready for church.  But please know this does not mean I love you any less.

I so wish I could spend just as much one on one time with you at this age as I did your brother, but he needs me too.  Maybe now even more than he used to.  But please know that this does not mean he loves you any less.  I see how much your big brother loves you and wants to protect you.  He may not always want to hold you or, heaven forbid, take a picture, but he loves you something fierce.  And I know you love him as well.  The smiles you give when he’s near, not even talking to you, are enough to make this mama burst.  Luckily I do get some quality time with you when Gav is in school or when he goes with Daddy on an errand.  I cherish these fleeting moments we get, just the two of us.  These times when I can soak in you, my sweet Ro, as just you.  Not little brother, or “baby Roman”, but as the amazing little wonder that you are!

I will never forget the moment, and I talk about it often, shortly after you were born and they placed you in my arms for the second time.  You were beginning to fuss and they laid your sweet little swaddled body in my arms.  A soon as they did, it was like you realized, “Hey, I know her!”, gave a little shuttered sigh, and immediately became calm.  That is the moment I gained my second heart.  My second heart, just for you, emblazoned with your initials, RC.

I love you more than all the stars in the sky!
XO, Mommy

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Mommyhood // Kids Are Scary

In Mommyhood
Let’s face it, when you decide that you are “ready” to have a child there are a million things running through your head.  Preparing for all of the things you may encounter and obtaining all of the items it takes to take care of this tiny human being.  By the time baby gets here, you may have even read all of the books and heard every single horror story people with children can throw at you.  
All this being said, NOTHING prepares you for the shear terror having a child can really be.  
Why so scary?  Because this little person that you brought into the world is the most precious thing you’ve ever held.  The love is so unbearably strong that when something happens to them, the world around you shatters and you feel like curling up in a ball and making it all go away.  Whether you handle the stress well or not, your insides want to come outside and you pray with all your might for it to stop.
Two days ago Mr. G and I were having a normal day.  I dropped him off at the gym where he takes a kids’ class with my dad and went to work.  A normal Wednesday.
When I went to pick him up, he had apparently been lethargic and warm most of the evening.  I didn’t think to much of it.  I try not to freak out whenever Mr. G gets a low grade fever since kids get sick a lot.  I mean, they eat boogers for goodness sake!  When we got home, we kept him up until he could have his second dose of medicine and go to bed.  He felt much warmer than a low grade fever though, so we took his temperature.  103.6…..what? His breathing was much faster than normal (which we now know is something that happens with high fevers) so we called the 24/7 nurse line.  After a few questions she advised me to call 911.  DO WHAT?!  I started having a panic attack right that second and had to hand the phone to my husband. 
FAST FORWARD
I had to tell him these were his “big boy stickers” so he would rip them off.
An ambulance ride, a fever that topped out at 104.1, heart monitors, chest x-ray, both sets of grandparents coming for support, lots of prayer, and a couple of hours in the ER later, we went home with that knowledge that it was probably just a bad virus.  Better safe than sorry and now we know what to do if this ever happens again.  A pediatrician follow up and a virus is confirmed.  Possibly roseola which she told me is very rare for adults to catch.  That’s what they told me about hand foot and mouth too, so we’ll see! 
Even though this was our third ER visit in Mr. G’s two years, it wasn’t any less upsetting.  I don’t think it will ever be easy.  But he’s already much better and back to his normal, rambunctious self.  God is good!
XO, Kelly
(PS: Our normally scheduled “Saw it, Pinned It, Tried It” will be back next week!)

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