Mommyhood

A Letter to my Second Child

Dear Ro,

Oh my sweet baby boy.  I never really knew that I could love another little person, let alone another little boy, as much as I did when your big brother was an only child.  I remember specifically one night, not being able to sleep because I didn’t know what it was going to be like.  I had heard that your love just multiplies but I couldn’t fathom it.  I knew that I loved you, my child, my blessing from the Lord.  But how on earth was I going to love two of you the same.  And that’s just it, I don’t love you the same.  I love you both fiercely and with all my heart, but differently.  I suppose you can say that my love multiplied but I feel like I grew a second heart just for you.  That God gave me an extra heart so that I could have one for each of you.

With all this being said, I apologize.  Why?  Because sometimes things fall to the wayside.  I try to take as many pictures of you as I can, and believe me, I probably take too many.  But things like your first Thanksgiving and your first Christmas are barely documented.  I may have roughly five million of each of your brother’s firsts and just two of yours (I kind of want to cry thinking about that…) but please know that that does not mean I love you any less.

Sometimes I feel like I probably don’t hold you as much as I did your brother.  A lot of times it’s because I’m busy doing mommy/wife things like laundry, writing, or trying desperately to get all three of us ready for church.  But please know this does not mean I love you any less.

I so wish I could spend just as much one on one time with you at this age as I did your brother, but he needs me too.  Maybe now even more than he used to.  But please know that this does not mean he loves you any less.  I see how much your big brother loves you and wants to protect you.  He may not always want to hold you or, heaven forbid, take a picture, but he loves you something fierce.  And I know you love him as well.  The smiles you give when he’s near, not even talking to you, are enough to make this mama burst.  Luckily I do get some quality time with you when Gav is in school or when he goes with Daddy on an errand.  I cherish these fleeting moments we get, just the two of us.  These times when I can soak in you, my sweet Ro, as just you.  Not little brother, or “baby Roman”, but as the amazing little wonder that you are!

I will never forget the moment, and I talk about it often, shortly after you were born and they placed you in my arms for the second time.  You were beginning to fuss and they laid your sweet little swaddled body in my arms.  A soon as they did, it was like you realized, “Hey, I know her!”, gave a little shuttered sigh, and immediately became calm.  That is the moment I gained my second heart.  My second heart, just for you, emblazoned with your initials, RC.

I love you more than all the stars in the sky!
XO, Mommy

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